“I have a problem with Christmas.” Dominick began causing a collective gasp from the gathering throng of spectators. “I would prefer if it took place in the summer months, as my Hawaiian shirts don’t have long sleeves. As we have seen in the past whenever I encounter a problem I quickly fabricate a solution. I couldn’t get the US government to change Christmas to summer so I did the next best thing. I’m bringing summer to Christmas. Announcing the First Annual Town of Cicero Lightning Bug Hunt: A Larry Dominick Joint.”
The crowd including the yet to be identified gentlemen standing behind Dominick seemed noticeably perplexed, but managed to feign a few smiles.
“Any Cicero residents age 13 and over are eligible to enter. The objective is simple whoever catches the most lightning bugs within the time limit is the winner. They will be awarded this championship belt, which was made with the melted down badges of officers who were terminated for sexual harassment. We will store all the lightning bugs we catch as a community in controlled temperature jars in the basement of the new town hall. They will be released at the lighting of the tree on Christmas Eve.”
Dominick paused to absorb a few subtle claps from the few citizens that had yet to disperse. He held up one finger in a gesture of silence at the dwindling crowd.
“It gets better.” Dominick continued. “ Standing to my right is Jim Klauba of Chicago’s JK Fight Team. If you catch the most lightning bugs you are automatically entered into a three round anything goes full contact bout with him.” Should you win by KO, TKO or even just survive the entire three rounds I will also include a $25 gift card to Blockbuster Video.”
“We expect the response from nature lovers and film fanatics to be overwhelming.”, a town spokesman added.
The crowd including the yet to be identified gentlemen standing behind Dominick seemed noticeably perplexed, but managed to feign a few smiles.
“Any Cicero residents age 13 and over are eligible to enter. The objective is simple whoever catches the most lightning bugs within the time limit is the winner. They will be awarded this championship belt, which was made with the melted down badges of officers who were terminated for sexual harassment. We will store all the lightning bugs we catch as a community in controlled temperature jars in the basement of the new town hall. They will be released at the lighting of the tree on Christmas Eve.”
Dominick paused to absorb a few subtle claps from the few citizens that had yet to disperse. He held up one finger in a gesture of silence at the dwindling crowd.
“It gets better.” Dominick continued. “ Standing to my right is Jim Klauba of Chicago’s JK Fight Team. If you catch the most lightning bugs you are automatically entered into a three round anything goes full contact bout with him.” Should you win by KO, TKO or even just survive the entire three rounds I will also include a $25 gift card to Blockbuster Video.”
“We expect the response from nature lovers and film fanatics to be overwhelming.”, a town spokesman added.
Posts
1 comment:
The gentleman to the far right is believed to be Mr. Supercop himself, Jackie Chan. Later to be gunned down in a drug bust, only to be rebuilt as the Town of Cicero's crime fighting Robocop.
~ Slickity Slick Steve
Post a Comment